I'm sorry I've been little inactive. Lot of things happened in real life. Both good and bad ones. Also being on DA just somehow makes me feel really depressed. I love DA, I love my watchers and my friends. I wouldn't be as good artists as now without deviantart and let's not forget all wonderful people I wouldn't have met.

But somehow I still feel like I've lost something important I used to have. All love, fun and challenge. Many of my old friends have left or are inactive. Not much people talk to me either and being on DA isn't all that fun. I don't know if I've given up on challenge or then it's too big. I used to love to draw new pieces of art. I was always so exited about it and I would always gain more views, favs and usually even few watchers. But nowadays no matter how good I draw or how hard I try to amaze people no one cares. I miss it. It honestly saddest me that every time I gain new watcher I literally lose 2 of my old ones. I won't blame anyone and I'm okay with it. You don't own me anything, but deep inside it saddest me, that even if I try so hard someone will always get more glory than I ever will. Sometimes I just want to leave but then again, here's so many people I love that I could lose. I just wish I would get little more recognition of what I do. I know I'm not best artist and I need to improve. But that's why I'm here. I used to get so much inspiration and will power to draw, because I knew there were people who would always look at it. Now I'm just "Meh... No one won't care about it anyway"... I could never stop drawing and I mostly draw to please myself over anything. But drawing is big part of my life. I love attention I get from it. I would lie if I told you that it wouldn't bother me. I know I'm being selfish and ungrateful but I believe it's only natural to want more. I'm not ashamed of wanting more "popularity" and love. We all want to be loved and seen by others.

I want to be honest with myself and with other people.
I've probably told some of you about my not-so-happy-"childhood".
I don't want to tell it now but if you're interested to know send me a note.
Anyway I was heavily bullied and depressed in middle school. I even tried suicide 3 times. Though I regret it.
My classmates used to tell my friends how they wished I would die or leave and did lot of things that totally made me feel like I had no value in this world. It did hurt. I wanted to kill myself to make them feel horrible. To make them have that regret on their shoulder forever. But then again I was too lucky to die. No medicine, no deadly electric shot, no jumping from roof (don't try. It hurts). I also never got any help. People said I was depressed and I just denied it, because I didn't understand. But no one ever fully understood me either. They were all just people doing their job not a people you could talk as person. Anyway I came to realize that god alone knows what kind of gem life has to offer. You could throw away so much and so precious. So I decided that instead of killing myself and make them feel horrible, because in the end. I'm not hateful person. I don't want others to bear the same. I would show off that they wouldn't get me. Someday when I would be skinny, beautiful and popular (or something like that). It would show them off. Being also good at drawing and being popular artist was also part of this. I kinda feel like I failed. I'm good as artists (though, I still have lot to fix) but not really popular. I still wish I have time. So maybe game isn't loosed yet. I still have to become beautiful and popular (I think being under 50 kilos is skinny enough)